life....do I really wanna know?

It seems about time that I fill everyone in on my 2009 summer plans...which may seem odd. You might think, "Why do I care what you are doing this summer? Everyone does STUFF...why is yours different? You think that everyone just has time to read about you most likely lame and same-as-everyone- else's plans for the 3 month gap between school sessions?" That is what you might think..I don't know... but I am dedicating this post to said content due to the fact that this summer is going to have an impact on me that I'm hoping with have life changing effects. I am hoping to..."grow up" I guess. Well...I'm not trying to be old or to leave my youth behind...but there comes a time in every person's life that they need to learn about life. The REAL life. 

Rent. 

Groceries. 

Laundry.

Cooking.

Being alone. 

Being a functional self- standing person. 

This summer, I will be moving to Hawaii, all by myself. I will be learning and experiencing all of the above in the time that I am gone. I am going alone.

I know one single person who will be living 6 blocks away. I will be paying rent. I am responsile for myself, which is both exhilarating and scary. I don't have to answer to anyone...yet, I have to find my way from Honolulu to Laie (an hour drive) on my first day, alone. Life is expensive. Holy cow..and I know that I really have not the slightest clue of how much MORE there is awaiting to suck my wallet dry. 

I am excited to experience all of it really...this is a once in a lifetime opportunity where I can just drop everything and leave. The original plan was to live with my best friend and just play all summer. However, it quickly turned into more work and learning than had been intended in the original plan. I will have fun..I think. I hope. I know I will be glad that I went and it will be a summer I won't ever forget...

But I am scared. out of my mind. for all of it.

Here I most certainly am...still.

So..graduation came. It went. And I'm still here...riding my bus of no feeling. The bus of unrealization that I cannot seem to get off. Picture documentation isn't even enough. Well..I mean..I believe that it happened, sure. I was there. But I guess what the event actually MEANS is what hasn't come yet. 

But who knows how long it will take before it comes...some are telling me it won't come till school starts again. Let's hope for sooner. I can't stay in this state of mental limbo...I need a track. I gotta know what I am. 

I guess the point of this post is for me to pretend like everything is normal. Like I know what's going on. Like I realize what the graduation "step" means. I've gotta stop the cycle somehow. So here we go:

SEMINARY GRADUATION!

My mom was almost in tears. She realizes what graduation means too..just like me...?

Me and my dad.

I love my friends. They helped me celebrate my massive accomplishment that I

 "completely understand"...

(PLUS..they stood for a picture with me even though that crazy grad hat did no favors to my hair...:)

Yay! I am done! I know my direction! I feel..done. Accomplished. I can move on. I am not in a fog. I am not numb. I do not ride buses of no realization. 

Right????

Here I most certainly am..

So here I sit, after a week full of parties, and cards, and cupcakes in congratulations for this amazing achievement that I have completed over the course of 4 years. The journey of this achievement is over. It ended when I bubbled in the small encircled "D" on question number 80 of my AZ/American Government Final. But it doesn't feel over. It isn't summer time yet. I'll be back in my desk, 2nd row from the right and 2 chairs back chatting it up with Krista in 7th hour anatomy on Monday. Nothing has changed, life is good, right?

Wrong.

Everything has changed. I won't be back on Monday to argue with my math teacher. I won't laugh at a Moulder-ism next week. I won't. 

However, despite my knowledge of this concept, my mind continues to trick me into believing that I WILL. 

Why???

I have been waiting so long to get OUT of that place...now I am...and all I can see in my head is reading yet another obscure poem in my obscure AP English class after returning from a relaxing weekend. I'm happy to be done

 with it all really..the drama. the stress. the work. the monotony. I suppose it is a package deal...like the what goes up must come down principle. Lose the downs, and lose the ups.

All I can say is that I came and went faster than I could have ever anticipated. 

"Freshmen hold on, 

it's only four years long, then its gone...

...be happy while you're here, oh

be cool, be hard, be weird

It's just four years...."

-Jon McLaughlin

It was only four years. Now their gone. I was happy. I was weird. But it was just four short  years.

To legit to quit.

Something AMAZING happened today. I think that it has made my week. And it has surely contributed to the said events that made this long year worth it. Yes, it is truly epic.

Mr. Moulding (THE Mr. Moulding...the ever wonderful and totally awesome orchestral conductor of DRHS) said "legit". Today. 4th hour lunch. I was there.

This coming from the man who says about a compliment on his new shoes, with a grin form ear to ear, "Thanks! They are like my black ones...but they are brown." He was so proud.

This coming from the man who, after seeing the abnormally large number of students needing to excuse themselves to the restroom on one particular day, expresses his confusion with a line quoted by myself often, "..it is NOT even raining." 

Mr. Moudling is a simple guy. Yet, so amazingly complex that you coudln't ever truly understand him. I can't even say that I do after 4 long and fablulous years with him. So today, when he said, "Yes Katelin, it is legit," I about cried my eys out. 

"If you build your house like you rehearse, your toilet is installed crooked."

-Mr. Moulding

Seis de Mayo.

Big AP test left mind numb. Can't think. Katelin want no stress. No clear thought. No finished thou.. I doesn't think she can make it throo anuthr aypee test. So sad. She got so far. 

R. I. P.

Coherent Katelin that u wunts new.

In leeoo of flowers, enee connections to the AP graderz that you have that mite involve a possible...bribe..to get Katelin her fives are much appreciated. 

(Ok guys...the point is..I took the AP calculus test today. It kicked my butt. I feel alright about my answers..but I walked out of that test physically and mentally exhausted. It took a while to regain feeling after the LITERAL mental numbness. Once I did though..I had a breakdown. Not a good trade off if you ask me..but hey, nobody's asking me, right? Oh..and along the lines of breakdowns today...my car followed suit. Yep...at Sonic. Wouldn't start. Such an awesome thing to happen when my mental capicity equals the astounding amount of..like - 4 ...liters? is that how you measure brain capacity? Gallons maybe? Oh man, I went to dinner today with my family to Carabba's and our waiter knew off the top of his head that a gallon of milk weighs 8lbs..now..i suppose you can say that it was just as, or even MORE random that we were even having such a conversation about the stats of a gallon of milk..but that's just who we are. :) Now that I think about it, i just had a completely random day. Calc test. Numbness. Firedrill got my final essay postponed. Anatomy..was just..anatomy. Dinner out. Wal mart. My brother was totally nice to me..i get the strange feeling that we are actually..friends :) Car breakdown. And I cemented my summer..which I will describe in a future blog post..It was a totally terrible awfuly awesome gorging with greatness but also with grudging day. Ever had one of those?

I have. Today. On my Seis de Mayo.